The Two Week Wait
If you are currently trying to conceive (TCC) and have been doing so for a while, then you will know all about the two week wait and the associated complex emotions that can come with it. The two week wait refers to the time between ovulation in a woman’s cycle and menstruation, or for those TCC hopefully pregnancy.
If you are trying for a baby for the first time, many couples describe these two weeks as an exciting time- full of hope, anticipation and wonder. However, this excitement can become muddied with other complex emotions as time goes on, and another month goes by without any “success”. Suddenly couples may find themselves on an emotional rollercoaster, often experiencing opposite emotions and associated thoughts at the same time, for example:
Confusion — e.g. why isn’t this happening? Is there something wrong?
Hope — e.g. maybe this is our month!
Doubt — e.g. I/we won’t be pregnant this time; its not happening for us
Fear — e.g. what if we can never get pregnant?
Wonder — e.g. maybe there is a baby growing right now
Frustration — e.g. this is taking too long!
Guilt — e.g. maybe I’m the reason we can’t get pregnant
Dread — e.g. I can’t handle getting my period again!
The two week wait can be a particularly confusing and stressful time for the woman attempting to fall pregnant, as they can often feel unsure whether they should presume that they are pregnant and act accordingly, e.g. not drinking alcohol, avoiding contact sports, saying no to sushi (!!!). Again these may seem like easy behaviour changes to engage in when it is your first or second two week wait, but what about your sixth, or your sixteenth? What if important events fall into those two weeks like a birthday/wedding/your season final rugby game? This is the reason many women report experiencing a sense of limbo during the two week wait— and more generally when trying to conceive— attempting to go along with their lives as usual and not focus on whether they are pregnant or not, whilst also consistently being faced with decisions to which they feel compelled to act like they are pregnant “just in case”.
Furthermore, given that pregnancy means an entire change within the body, women often report becoming obsessively aware and hypervigilant to even the tiniest bodily change. This becomes particularly confusing as body changes and signs related to early pregnancy can be almost identical to the bodily changes that can occur when a woman is premenstrual, e.g. breast tenderness, bloating, cramping, etc. This hyperfixation can be mentally exhausting, and given that the unknown can cause a whole lot of anxiety and frustration, it is unsurprising that many women find themselves checking and rechecking if they are pregnant by taking pregnancy tests despite the fact that it is likely too early to test— then of course when a negative result appears (regardless of whether you are or aren’t actually pregnant), further unrest and anxiety ensues.
The stress of the two week wait can be even further mounted if it is on the back of recent fertility treatment (e.g. IUI, IVF, etc), where the impact of another “failed” pregnancy attempt may mean further financial cost, or the need to make other complex decisions related to next steps in your fertility treatment.
Then finally, the two week wait is over and if a period comes along instead of that positive pregnancy test, so too comes along a new wave of complex emotions- disappointment, sadness, confusion, frustration, anxiety and perhaps dread thinking about enduring the next two week wait!
So how can you best support your mental health during the Two Week Wait?
Compassion
Self-compassion is a very good place to start! It is important to acknowledge that this is a challenging time, so hold compassion toward yourself. You cannot help but feel whatever emotions are coming up for you, despite whether you think they are helpful or not. In a world where we have a lot of control over things, we are suddenly thrown into the fertility space where there we have limited control over the outcome (even if undergoing fertility treatment). This is hard, especially as making the choice to have a baby is deeply personal and often closely connected to your values in life. There is no right or wrong way to feel right now, and it is understandable that your mind will keep wanting to work out whether you are pregnant because it is important to you. Just notice what is happening inwards and show yourself the same kindness you would for a friend or loved one in your same position.
Showing compassion toward your body is also an important practice to engage in during the two week wait. It can be easy to start feeling frustrated toward our bodies — placing a lot of pressure on it to “perform” the way we want it to, or sending blame toward our bodies for “not working” when not falling pregnant. Engaging in daily self-care practices that nurture our bodies will be a helpful way to practice compassion toward yourself, and reduce the feeling of your body working against you, e.g. taking baths, moisturising routine, massage, eating nutritious food (e.g. eat the rainbow), yoga practices, etc.
Focus on connection to the present
Yes this may be a challenging thing to do, but a conscious attempt to notice when your mind is wondering into the future or focusing on trying to answer the question of whether you are or aren’t pregnant, being kind to yourself, then redirecting your focus back to the present moment to what you are currently doing. This will be a helpful skill to practice during the two week wait.
Practicing a mindfulness mediation each day or every other day can be a helpful way to connect into the moment consciously- or if meditation isn’t your thing then regularly scheduling into your routine any other activity that fully immerses your attention (e.g. reading, knitting, swimming, walking, patting your dog, etc) will help you to stay more present-focussed during the two week wait.
Create value-based boundaries
Decide on what is important to you and set yourself some boundaries around any behaviours that may feel distressing or unhelpful. For example, if you know that HCG levels are unlikely to be high enough during the two week wait to yield a positive result on a pregnancy test, then set some boundaries around where and when you are going to test for pregnancy (e.g. only testing 2 days after when your period is due; only testing once every 4 days rather than daily etc.). You can also make some decisions before the two week wait in relation to how you want to behave that can be informed by your values, e.g. perhaps you feel comfortable not to drink at all during the 2 week wait, but want to continue exercise and eating as usual, etc.
Connection
Seek your support network. Book an appointment with your psychologist if you have one, or make a coffee/dinner date with a close friend or other supportive person in your life during the two week wait period. You do not have to disclose the fact that you are trying for baby in order to feel a sense of connection with others. Although, it can be a good thing for close and safe people in your life to be aware of what is going on for you to ensure you get the most support you can during the tricky moments. Connection with your partner (if you are conceiving as part of a couple) will also be vitally important during this time, as they are also experiencing this with you even if their experience looks different- schedule dates together, or set aside time at the end of your day to connect without distractions, e.g. talking over dinner without screens, etc. Finally, it is important to know that you are not alone in this journey, and that there are other couples going through the same thing right now. If it is helpful there are also a number of online support groups, websites, podcasts and communities you can join, even apps designed to connect mums trying to conceive or who are recently pregnant and in search of community. For example, Podcasts like Australian Birth Stories to listen to others fertility journeys, Peanut app to connect with local TCC community, the positive birth company website, etc.— just always be mindful to check inwards and if at any time you don’t feel these groups are benefiting you, listen to yourself and stop engaging.
If you are currently trying to conceive and feel like you could benefit from some support during this time, please contact here for more information or to book an appointment.
Written by Sophie Lynn-Evans